I've Decided What to Do...

I started this blog back in March when I had just left my employer...a bit abruptly...and was contemplating what to do next.  The first 4 - 5 months were rough and I felt for a long time that I didn't have a plan and was probably done with my career, which was a bit frightening.  In a way I could have adjusted to being done, but what I was struggling with was finding a purpose.

I believe that all living things have to have a purpose, especially us 'human types'.  We all need a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to go about our day and feel fulfilled at bedtime that something was accomplished.  For some, that fulfillment comes from a day in the office, for others taking care of the family, and others can be fine having accomplished very little for the day.  All of those options are fine...I just needed to find my purpose.

I struggled for months and was basically a chip in the wind.  One day retiring and not doing much was fine, the next day I would apply for another executive job.  A week later I would think that I should apply for a job at Macy's...ugh!  Some time around August, my husband and I were out to dinner and I was lamenting my lack of direction and how part of me wanted to venture into a career again and how the other part of me wanted to stay home and watch TV.  He asked me a simple, yet profound question..."if money were not in the picture, what would you want to do?"  It's a cliche, but powerful question.  The first answer I gave him was the lottery answer...if we won the lottery, I would buy a vineyard with a winery and start a charitable foundation.  And, most importantly, I would hire a lot of my friends to work at each.  We would live on the winery and I would walk the vines with my dog and have the foundation office on site as well.  Ahhhh, a girl can dream!

But, then I answered the real question...what I wanted to do was work part-time in my consulting business and teach college classes.  My husband was a bit surprised by my professorial desires...but, he said, "well, then that is what you should do."  I was stunned at that moment, not by his support (he is awesome!), but by actually saying out loud what I wanted to do.  I think I had been scared to make a commitment for fear of failure.  I'm a confident person and I think I am very capable at what I do...but, I am terrified to make a mistake or to not be competent.  I hadn't seriously engaged in consulting yet...and I would have to go back to school and get a Master's Degree in order to teach...I hadn't been a student for many, many years.

My research began.  First, I networked heavily to get my consulting business going.  I had quite a few prospect meetings and got turned down plenty...but, I reconnected with Intel and was hired as a consultant for a business unit that is growing and international.  Yea! My first gig and with a one year contract to boot!  Oh yeah...it's part time!  Next came looking for the right degree program.  I was certain I was going to pursue a MBA until I started looking at programs within my career discipline, Human Resources.  I was surprised how much was out there and I did plenty of analysis before I landed on what I think is the most amazing Master's I found...M.A. in Organizational Leadership at Gonzaga University.  The course of study is right up my alley and one of the classes requires two weeks of study in Florence, Italy.  Feel sorry for me!

So, I now have a purpose or two...my consulting gig with Intel is just great and I get to travel to China and Korea at the end of November...South Korea, of course.  And, I will most likely start at Gonzaga in March 2013.  The other plus that really rounds out my life is joining a non-profit board where I am the Chair of Fundraising and Sponsorships.  I am making some money, going back to school, and giving back to the community.  I feel a great sense of balance that I haven't felt in a very long time...probably years.

I may now have to retire this blog and maybe start a new one...'cause now I know "What to do now."

The Election...

Wow, this election has been different than anything else I have experienced in my adult life.  The amount of emotion that has infiltrated the race is at times exhilarating and at times anxiety-inducing.  Social media has taken everything to a new level.  Some of the exchanges my friends (me included) have had on Facebook and Twitter would have erupted into a fist fight if the conversation had happened in person.

It is because of that that I am going to put all of my final thoughts into this blog and call it a day.  I am not ashamed of my beliefs, nor am I afraid to communicate where I stand, but I am going to put it out there once and for all and then take the next 20 days off from political communication.

Very simply, I am going to vote for Barack Obama and here is why:

• I believe that Obama did inherit a massively broken economy when he took office.  Do I think he has done a great job getting us back on track, no...do I think he could have been a stronger leader, yes.  But, Bush did not put the war in Afghanistan or Iraq into the actual budget, nor did he put his Stimulus package into the budget either.  So, a couple of trillion dollars in spending were not accounted for through his choice of accounting, and the hole was bigger than we all thought it was at the beginning of 2009.  I am not blaming Bush or the Republicans for that, we the people are ultimately responsible and we should make sure that no matter who is President, we should never let 'exception' accounting happen again.  We put two wars and a huge stimulus package on the nation's credit card.  We all know how hard it is to get out of debt while at the same time running our households...it is a bad position to put ourselves in.  But, the bottom line is...I think Obama will be the better leader to move us forward to a better economy based on his approach to taxes and spending cuts.

• I have thoroughly investigated Romney's and Obama's economic plans.  I seriously have.  And, I have researched these plans on their own web sites and the partisan web sites.  Believe it or not, I did.  I am smart enough to know that both sides of the aisle cherry pick their information and data.  So, I took both plans and ran my financial situation through the plan.  My taxes are lower under Obama's plan than Romney's.  And, the difference is significant if my deductions are lowered under Romney's plan...even if my taxes are lowered by 20%.  I am also a small business owner as of this year.  Because of the size of my business, those taxes will be higher under Romney as well.  I have done the math, and that is truly how it will work for me.  I am sure I have friends and business colleagues that would have a different result, but this is how it works out for me and my husband...our taxes would most likely go up under Romney's plan because our income does not come from capital gains or dividends...it's all ordinary income.

• On social issues, that is easy...I believe in Roe v. Wade, I believe in same-sex marriage, and I believe in equality as a society and that we should provide Medicare, Social Security, Food Stamps, Housing Assistance, Education, etc.  I am not going to argue my beliefs and I am not going to judge yours.  These are fundamental beliefs I have that will not be served well by a Romney presidency.  I believe society only works when those at the bottom of the economic ladder are given assistance by the rest of us to survive.  But, I also believe in prosperity and individual's opportunity to be as successful as possible...just not at the expense of others.

• When it comes to foreign policy and immigration, I was undecided until the last debate.  Now I am fully in support of Obama's philosophies and policies.  When I saw how Romney behaved when he went to England, Poland, and Israel...I gave him a 'pass' that his arrogance and rudeness to our allies was just inexperience.  But, his statement at the debate that he would brand China a 'currency manipulator' showed that he has no idea how to interact with the world.  We owe China a little less than $2 trillion in loans...does he really think that if the U.S. takes a position of dictating currency management to China and preaching to them how to run their economy, that will end in a good result?  I have worked in multinational corporations for the last 17 years...I have been to China in a business capacity, and in fact, I am traveling to Shanghai on business at the end of November.  That is not how you do business with China.  Whether we like it or not, China has risen to economic leadership with their monetary practices and 'bullying' them will not work.  There has to be economic partnerships that are reciprocal or they can easily pull the plug.  It is naive to think otherwise.  And, immigration is an easy one...self-deportation that Romney suggested is just plain silly.  I support the Dream Act for children who were brought to the U.S. and I support better and stronger immigration laws that balance legal immigration with U.S. security.

• And, last, but not least...as a woman, I cannot vote for Romney...especially after the debate this week.  And, not because of his 'Binders Full of Women' comment...although, that comment is how I truly believe he thinks of women and his off-handed comments generally prove to be how he really feels.  Romney did not ask for female candidates, a bipartisan women's organization brought the binder to him.  Also, the number of women in his cabinet was not a record in Massachusetts...the number went from 30% with his predecessor to 27% under Romney and back up to 30% with his successor.  All checkable facts.  Also, in all of his career at Bain...not one female partner in that organization.  I also found it very condescending when he said we need to have a flexible work place so women can get home to make dinner for their families and that single parents were the cause of gun violence...none of it works for me.  I have never seen Obama show anything other than respect for women.  Guys, you won't get this...but, it is really important to us girls.

So, that's it...I'm done.  Here's where I stand and here's what I believe.  I'm excited to get to November 7th to see where we are and what we can expect for the next four years.  No matter what, I hope and pray that it is all for the greater good.

I'm so bad about blogging...and other things...

When I left my job at Stimson I had these grand plans of completely organizing my house, growing a massive garden, exercising to feel better/lose weight, open a consulting business, and figure out my life.

So, how is it going so far...I'd give myself a C-.

Nothing bad has happened, I haven't adopted the the habit of day time television and bon bons...but, my list of accomplishments is rather lackluster.

• The house is about 40% organized, so not a total failure, but, I still have quite a bit of impact I could make.
• I did actually plant and grow a garden, but, the crop has not been very substantial at all.  The ironic thing is that the most prolific crop was yellow squash that I didn't even plant.  I think some squash seeds were hitchhiking in the cucumber plants I planted.
• I have been walking a lot.  I average about 25-30 miles a week, which is great...but, I have not lost a pound.  I really should lose 15-20 pounds...but, alas, it may never happen.  Good thing I have at least racked up miles since I have adopted a bad afternoon ice cream habit.
• Probably the goal that feels the closest to an accomplishment is my consulting business.  I have opened an LLC, networked quite a bit, met with potential clients and landed one.  So, that is good.
• As for figuring out my life...I think I have a straw man in place: do part time consulting, go back to school for a Masters and set myself up to teach in college in the future.  Not a bad plan and I do think it is one I can execute.

Okay, so now having out all of the above in writing...I think I am going to up my grade to a C+.  I have gotten a bit done and maybe with a little fine tuning...a more positive trajectory is very possible.

I am, like most people, harder on myself than I need to be.  I did not expect to be as emotionally hurt by my Stimson experience and was not prepared for the amount of time it would take me to move on.  Sometimes I take a few steps backward still...but, I can honestly say that it is now better and I am better.

Tomorrow the whole family is off to Maui for a week...it is going to be great.  Who knows how much longer the boys will vacation with us...but, as long as they want to come, I'll be happy.

Aloha for now!

It's been two months...

It's been two months since I have added to this blog.  I promised a friend of mine in May that I would keep blogging.  She thinks I have something to say...I am not sure.  I have doubts about what I am doing with my life now everyday.  Leaving my job was the right thing to do, I do not have regrets and I do not wish I was still there.  But, I am swimming in all kinds of self-doubt.

I don't necessarily want to work at all, but, I feel guilty doing nothing.  I cannot seem to get myself to just 'be' for a period of time.  I set goals for myself every day and I never achieve those goals.  I find myself wanting to sleep the afternoon away before everybody gets home and I make excuses for my feelings and behavior all day long. I want to exercise, I want to lose weight, I want to eat better, I want to organize my house, I want to network professionally...and, on and on.  But, very little gets done and I feel very unaccomplished...even after being successful in many things for many years.

So, what is this?  Am I depressed?  Am I menopausal (don't think so)?  Is it just a phase of transition?  Or, is this really me?  Meaning when I am left to my own devices...is this who I am really am...an unmotivated, untalented, fake who has just been lucky?  Have I always been unmotivated but did all I did because I had to?  If left without the pressure of finances and children, would I just meander around all day and have the goal of getting to 10:00 pm because it is socially acceptable to watch the news and go to bed at that time?  Would I not get up at 7:00 am in the morning if my husband wasn't here?

I really do not know how low I could go if I did not have anybody watching me.

It is scary and I do not know how to do things differently.  I mean, I do know intellectually what to do and my brain and conscience tell me hundreds of times a day what to do...but, my inner voice says 'no' and Inner Voice wins more times than not.  "Eat an apple," my brain says...Inner Voice says, "Eat Raisinets."  Inner Voice wins.  Brain says, "Organize the office, you've had that goal for a month."  Inner Voice says. "Take a nap."  Inner Voice wins.  I could go on and on.

I have been doing a lot of professional networking and eventually (probably sooner rather than later) I am going to be offered work.  Is that work going to pull me out of this or is Inner Voice going to win and I will 'half-ass' a job and blow it?  Right now I do not know...

I need to figure out how I can be so fortunate to be where I am in life right now, yet feel quite hopeless.

Let's talk about the frogs...

About 10 years ago, Jeff and I updated our backyard.  Our boys had grown out of the play structure and we wanted to make the backyard more 'grown-up.'  So, we put in a garden and most importantly...a water feature.  Our landscaper designed a short stream of river rock that flowed into a small pond with the water originating from a bubble rock at the other end of the stream.  The little stream meandered by a beautiful Colorado Blue Spruce that we love and into a lovely little pond.  The sound of the water hitting the rocks from the bubble rock and streaming down into the little pond was like having a bit of nature in our suburban backyard...then more nature arrived.

Frogs...many, many frogs somehow found our little man-made oasis and made it their spring break destination every year for 10 years.  It is still a mystery to me how this happened.  We do live close to protected wetlands.  Marshes, streams, and meadows that are maintained for wildlife are about 3 blocks away.  In fact, we love that part of our neighborhood as the parks district has put in walking paths that stretch for miles and a couple play areas for kids.  It is one of the great benefits of where we live.  We are still in awe when we look out into our backyard and see a blue heron standing on the lawn or a duck duo snuggled into our wet grass for a rest.  There are squirrels, raccoons, fox, coyote, and skunks a plenty as well...I will save the skunk stories for another blog!

Now back to the mystery of the frogs...every year about this time, at dusk we will hear one lone frog croaking in our backyard.  Jeff and I will look at each other and say, "Oh no, here they come!"  And, that is exactly what happens.  Over about a weeks' time, one croaker becomes two, then four, then six, and, then suddenly we have the Hallelujah Chorus of 'frogdom' in our pond.  How do they know our pond is there?  Do the elder frogs get together right before spring and send out scouts to find the right destination for mating season?  Do those scouts then once they have found nirvana for frogs let their brethren know they have had success and the masses arrive?  How do they let them know?  Is there a 'croaking chain' that echos back to the wetlands several blocks away?  It is just an amazing occurrence that has happened without fail for 10 years straight.

Let's now talk about the Chorus.  Wow, are those tiny little frogs loud!  We have seen them frolicking in the pond and they are tiny...about the size of a quarter, really, they are that small.  But, they pack the punch of a dozen slimy green Pavarottis.  One frog, we call him the Conductor, will start the process.  Around dusk you can hear one frog croaking...he just croaks alone in a rather rhythmic fashion and then another frog will join in.  the amazing thing is the second frog always has a different tone to his croak than the first frog and they will alternate parts...they never croak at the same time.  Then all of sudden, the entire cast chimes in...and, it is amazing!  The whole pond comes alive with frog singing and it is loud!  If you are sitting on our patio enjoying a glass of wine with friends, there are times that you cannot carry on a conversation above the 'frog roar.'  We have, no kidding, gone inside on a summer night to continue conversations when we can no longer compete with the frogs.

You may ask at this point, "why don't you get rid of the frogs?"  And, that would be a very fair question...and, we have tried.  I have visions in my head of my mom wading in the pond wearing rubber gloves trying to catch them one at a time because the sound was keeping her awake during a visit.  There were times that Jeff would go out to the pond in the middle of the night and try to quiet them...only to have the frogs get louder with a big F-you after his efforts.  I even contacted the frog expert at the Oregon Zoo to find out if there was anything we could do to discourage 'Spring Break for Frogs' and his answer was..."you'll have to get rid of the pond."  That's not going to happen...

So, here we are 10 years later.  I am sitting here writing this blog today because as I fell asleep last night and as I came to life again this morning...I did so to the sound of the Frog Chorus...and, it is actually wonderful.  I have come to depend on my slimy little friends for comfort...there is something very soothing about the pattern to their croaking, listening for the Conductor to start and then waiting for the crescendo of frog voices.  Then there are the moments when the whole lot is in full voice and suddenly they all stop at exactly the same time as if by command from their leader.  There is a reason why Sharper Image sells a Sleep Machine that contains the sound of frogs as a sleep enhancer...they are nature's little rhythmic calmers.

The mystery of 'why' still remains and unless Animal Planet wants to come out and do a documentary on the Muchow Frog Experience...I'll never know exactly what makes the frogs return year after year...but, I hope they never stop.

Milestone...

Yesterday I cleaned my whole house top to bottom for the first time in easily 10 years...yes, all 3500 square feet of it.  Doesn't that sound like the such a pretentious statement?  Yes, it does...I have been extremely lucky to have been successful enough to not have to clean my own house...and, technically, I could still pay for a housekeeper, but, as I transition out of a career, I am also trying to transition into a simpler way of living.  Spending less money is part of that transition.

Back to the cleaning...I started out thinking I would just clean a third of the house at a time over three days, but, I turned on the 80s music channel on Comcast cable...and the house practically cleaned itself.  I was sweeping and mopping to New Kids on the Block and cleaning toilets to A-ha!...and, dancing around the house the whole time.  I was singing, dancing, and groovy to the songs of my college days and before you know it...my house was WAY cleaner than my housekeeping crew has ever done it.

And, here is the other cool thing about it...Let me digress first: I have a new fitness tool called a FitBit (more details on that in another posting) and it tracks your steps, mileage, calories burned, and floors achieved.  It looks like a flash drive and you clip it on on your waistband.  It wirelessly syncs to your computer and uses a dashboard to track your exercise.  For the big Geek in me, it is fantastic!

Back to cleaning...I covered 11,602 steps, 5 miles, and burned 2200 calories cleaning my house to the 80s.  I sense a new fitness craze coming...maybe that will be my new business.

My First Post...

I decided to start blogging as a bit of expression and therapy as I embark on a life transition.  Wow, that sounds way more heavy than it actually is...but, I have been known to be a bit dramatic at times.  As of last week, I am unemployed.  But, luckily it is by choice...unlike so many others who have had their careers delayed or ended by layoff.

Even though this change was self-initiated, it still is a bit unsettling to be 50 years old and not be employed by a company and the security that goes along with it.  I had planned to work another 7 years and then retire and spend my time half in leisurely activities and half involved with Boards and non-profits...that probably won't be the plan quite yet.

I think Jeff and I are going to be fine financially, but, I still feel an obligation to bring in income to the household.  So, I registered my business with the State of Oregon...Debra Muchow Consulting, LLC.  I have many colleagues who have their own consulting gigs and NONE of them use their own names in the title.  I'm not using my name out of vanity...but, for two reasons: 1) I am not creative enough to come up with a snappy title; 2) what I am selling to clients is ME, so why not have the product name in the title.  At least that is my logic.

In non-career related news...I went back to the gym today.  I absolutely HATE to exercise, always have.  I have never had a 'runner's high' or any release of endorphins from exercise in my life...it is always a chore.  But, if I want to keep doing the things I want to do, stay healthy, and, address my vanity, it's a must do.

Besides having to actually exercise, here is what I hate about going to the gym:

• Moms with strollers on the running track.
• Moms with strollers walking in pairs on the running track.
• Moms with strollers, talking on cell phones on the running track.
• Moms with strollers on the running track with their toddlers out of the stroller walking on the track.

Did I make myself clear enough?

And, there is one more HATE: anyone talking on their cell phone at the gym.  Seriously...it is bad enough I have to hear your conversation at the grocery store, Target, Walgreen's, the bank, and every other public place...please not the gym too!

Okay, now that I have displayed my ability to be the cranky old lady who yells, "Get off my lawn!", I will close this blog posting.

But, I am still wondering, "What to do now?"